i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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