I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
