My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
