dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
