Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
