Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize