I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
