next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
