I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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