Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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