i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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