i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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