Pappa wants mamma naked
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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