i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
