you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
