Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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