I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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