TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
