opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
