When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
