Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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