careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
