guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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