my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
