turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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