im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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