is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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