My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
