my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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