ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize