I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
