I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
