I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
