Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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