Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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