there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
