i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
