you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize