im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
