I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
