I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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