dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
