you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
