I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
