Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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