Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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