Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
