When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
