I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
