i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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