Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I want to fling myself into the sun
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize