hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
