I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
