there's paper in my vomit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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