too bad you live with your parents still
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
