What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
