Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
