I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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