He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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