NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
