i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sober January is a disaster.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
