I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
