I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize