I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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