Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
