remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
