now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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