you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it glows. i had to have it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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