a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
