remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the condom got lost in my hair
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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