I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
