Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
