I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
