That's intense
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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