I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
