im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
