Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
