dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
