WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize