she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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