Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
