Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
