also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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