I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
