I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
