Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
