hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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