He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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